Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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