mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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