i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
