Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
