I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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