I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
