I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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