Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
