last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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