So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
