You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My vagina just recognized that song.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
