I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You smell like stripper and shame
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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