Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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