Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
