how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
