I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
