there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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