i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
