Me too!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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