I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
All I want is dick and wine.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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