Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
