so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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