Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize