Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
