Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My cat gives me a boner
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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