so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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