Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
