At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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