And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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