i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
