Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
