if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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