Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My vagina is officially offended.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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