i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
