I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
