What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So much rum. So many feels.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
