...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
