I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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