I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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