My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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