I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
