i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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