Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
