Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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