well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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