honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
