so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
