"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
