my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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