It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
