Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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