The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
