All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
