what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize