She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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