i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize