I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
