you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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