He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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