he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
