apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
