Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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