mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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