let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
