Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
