the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
