we have pet lesbian snakes
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
