A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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