I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
